And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
