I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
