Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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