The police scanner is talking about you again....
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
