You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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