Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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