her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
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