I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
