This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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