im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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