Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
