I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize