If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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