I must be too annoying 4 u.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize