u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's shark week go big or go home
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
