I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
