No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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