My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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