dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
