Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
