I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
