Sponge bath it is.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
