farters have to be the big spoon...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize