Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
