I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
