did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
