my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
