He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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