I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
