It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
