haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
