So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Randomize
