Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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