If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This is classic penis vs brain.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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