Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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