We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
