i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
