dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
