Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
