About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
i think im in europe. pls send help
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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