Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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