He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
