Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
