Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
