How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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