He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She needs sedatives and a leash
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
