He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
