he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
