If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize