we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
