STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
