I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
