you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
