Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize