ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
