my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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