so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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