I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
