glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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