so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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