Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
