I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
