I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
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