On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize