Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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