my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize