I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
