Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
