I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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