Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
