if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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