Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im about as happy as oj after his trial
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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