i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She even gives head with a lisp.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
