goodnight i made you a song goodbye
we're chasing vodka with high fives
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I need moral support for this bender
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Randomize
