I can tuck mytits in my pants
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
