i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
