i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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