she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
