i don't like sucking hair
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
