I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
