just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
