Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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