Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
