Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
