I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The air was thick with penises
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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