Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
