and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
