my sisters under your porch take her home
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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