toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just saw a hot homeless man
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
