Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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