so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
