mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
