Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
