My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
