well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there was a trapeze. enough said
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
