Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
