To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
